Every day that I go to ride, I feel like I improve a little bit more. I suppose that is to be expected when it's been over six years since I rode daily-and when I did, I rode bareback. English riding is new to me, even though I know the basics in my mind, it is one thing actually riding them. Sure, I've ridden in an English saddle before, so it isn't completely foreign, but it is definitely something new. My learning curve is very sharp at the moment.
Prince is a half quarter horse half pony that I have been riding. He's a young pony-five or six years old-and green. The owner of the stables, Carla, wants him to be ready to sell-and she told me today she hopes he'll be ready to use for the horse camp she'll be holding in June. It's hard not to feel proud seeing him get better every week, knowing that he's flourishing under my guidance. Last week was a particularly good week. He cantered perfectly around the arena for almost four laps-the best he's done yet! Then, Carla thought we should try to jump him. I thought she was joking at first when she suggested it but she wasn't. I was a little nervous since he's still learning to ride well and had never jumped before, and it had been many years since the last time I jumped-when we still had Nova-so probably around nine years ago. And even with Nova, I always jumped bareback, never with a saddle.
I took Prince toward a small crossrail and he stopped square right in front of it. Carla then suggested that April, another woman who rides there often and helps work some of the horses, try jumping him as she has jumped much more than I have. He did the same thing for her over and over. Oh well-no jumping for him that day. Carla decided that next time we tried to jump him, we should use spurs to give him a little encouragement.
Today he got to ride with the big boys-the horses that I usually ride Silly with. I didn't ride Silly today since April's dad is interested in her and he was playing around with her a bit in the pasture. I must admit, it made me a bit sad. I've really begun to like that mare. But-the point is not to get attached to the horses. I know that the horses I am riding are going to be sold at some point (that is the whole point of me riding them)-and I knew it about Silly too. I have to try not to get too attached-but I think it is going to be really difficult to see Prince go when he does. I am really started to love that little pony.
He did well today, although he did buck when I asked for the canter-but today was the first day he cantered without the crop, so that was definitely an improvement. It won't be long before he canters off my leg without protest. We rode around a bit, and then Carla handled me a pair of spurs "in case we decide to jump him today." Sure thing-we did try to jump him. We tried going over the crossrail and this time instead of stopping in front of it like the previous week he ducked out. We tried a few times, and finally Carla stood to one side of the jump while another woman who takes regular lessons stood on the other side, forming a little "chute" for him. He hesitated slightly, but he jumped it! It was so smooth and almost slow motion like. It almost didn't feel as though he had left the ground. I took him around and pointed him at the crossrail again. This time I felt him rock back on his haunches and beautifully launch himself over the jump. It was wonderful! He is going to be a very good little jumper once he's fully trained!
I should have stopped him after he did the second jump so well to reward him, but I was having fun and wanted to try one more time. He would have none of it. Finally, Carla suggested that we try him over a solid jump, saying that when horses are learning to jump they usually do a little better over solid jumps. So, I took him up to a small jump. Right before we reached it he slowed. He didn't slow fast enough though and had to start stepping over it. He was surprised to discover that he wasn't walking over a pair of rails, but a box! I took him around and pointed him toward the jump again. This time, I sensed no hesitation from him-he just beautifully popped over it. I was so proud of the little guy! Riding him is going to be really fun now, as we continue to teach him how to jump. I think he is going to learn to really like it too.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
My Past Becomes My Present
I've loved horses since before I could walk. One of my favorite pictures shows me at six months old sitting on top of a Belgian draft horse, smiling and happy. My parents recall that day and tell me that I didn't want to come down. Of course not-I had fallen in love.
My love for horses only grew. At 8 years old, my biggest dream came true-I got a horse of my own-my Firecracker, 9 months old. I would spend hours in the pasture with him, singing little made up songs to him. When he learned to ride, I was on his back every day (actually, I rode him months before he was officially broke). There was absolutely nothing like being on his back. I felt so free, so happy.
Eventually I started running track, and entered high school. Gradually, the time I spent riding dwindled until it became almost nothing once I started college. I missed it every once in awhile but it wasn't something I felt I needed.
Recently, all that has changed. I really started to miss riding. I wanted to go back to the past. Be a horse lover again. Ride again. Be surrounded by the smell of horse, have their dirt and slobber on my skin. Feel their sweet breath on my hands or in my face.
So, I put an ad on Craigslist saying I was looking for a horse to exercise for anybody who didn't have time for their horse anymore. Only one person responded-but one is all it takes. A woman with a hunter/jumper/dressage barn said she wanted me to come exercise some of her horses for her. I told her I had no official training in those disciplines and she said that was ok-she'd give me instruction too. Sounded too good to be true! But it is true-another amazing blessing from YHWH. Two days after arriving home from the IHMC in Paris, I drove 45 minutes to the farm, where I was introduced to Silly, a beautiful black mare. Our meeting was chance-I was supposed to ride a gelding named Clark but he had been turned out, so Silly it was. It had been 10 months since last time I had ridden, and a year before that (it's hard to believe its been almost two years since we moved to Houston) and I could tell. I felt incredibly sloppy, and it didn't help that most of my riding has been western or bareback, not english. I can ride english, but I am not used to holding my legs in the correct position. I'm sure it looked terrible and I was afraid the trainer would change her mind but she asked me to come back-and said I had a good seat and balance. I've ridden a total of 7 or 8 times now and I can feel myself improving each time. I think my seat and legs are much better now, and it feels a lot better when I canter Silly now. We're becoming more of a team and I can feel us working together now, rather than her fighting my uncooperative body. Not that she faught, but you know. Here's Silly:
I've also started riding a little half quarter horse-half pony named Prince. I've been on him three times now and he is quite green-and he also has a good dose of pony stubbornness! He doesn't like it when I asked him to canter, and he gives a little buck to let me know it. He almost dumped me on Sunday, but I managed to do a good bit of riding and stay on. He bucked every time I asked him to canter after that...and then cantered. He'll get better eventually. It's quite interesting to go from riding Silly, and amazingly cue-sensitive horse, to Prince, a stubborn little pony, like a teenaged kid. Makes for a good workout on Sundays. Here's Prince:
The best part about this, however, is that I am back in touch with my old horse-loving self. I smell horses, feel that sweet breath, that soft muzzle. I am so incredibly happy. This is who I am, who I've always been. I may have lost that part of myself for awhile, but I'm back again, strong as ever!
My love for horses only grew. At 8 years old, my biggest dream came true-I got a horse of my own-my Firecracker, 9 months old. I would spend hours in the pasture with him, singing little made up songs to him. When he learned to ride, I was on his back every day (actually, I rode him months before he was officially broke). There was absolutely nothing like being on his back. I felt so free, so happy.
Eventually I started running track, and entered high school. Gradually, the time I spent riding dwindled until it became almost nothing once I started college. I missed it every once in awhile but it wasn't something I felt I needed.
Recently, all that has changed. I really started to miss riding. I wanted to go back to the past. Be a horse lover again. Ride again. Be surrounded by the smell of horse, have their dirt and slobber on my skin. Feel their sweet breath on my hands or in my face.
So, I put an ad on Craigslist saying I was looking for a horse to exercise for anybody who didn't have time for their horse anymore. Only one person responded-but one is all it takes. A woman with a hunter/jumper/dressage barn said she wanted me to come exercise some of her horses for her. I told her I had no official training in those disciplines and she said that was ok-she'd give me instruction too. Sounded too good to be true! But it is true-another amazing blessing from YHWH. Two days after arriving home from the IHMC in Paris, I drove 45 minutes to the farm, where I was introduced to Silly, a beautiful black mare. Our meeting was chance-I was supposed to ride a gelding named Clark but he had been turned out, so Silly it was. It had been 10 months since last time I had ridden, and a year before that (it's hard to believe its been almost two years since we moved to Houston) and I could tell. I felt incredibly sloppy, and it didn't help that most of my riding has been western or bareback, not english. I can ride english, but I am not used to holding my legs in the correct position. I'm sure it looked terrible and I was afraid the trainer would change her mind but she asked me to come back-and said I had a good seat and balance. I've ridden a total of 7 or 8 times now and I can feel myself improving each time. I think my seat and legs are much better now, and it feels a lot better when I canter Silly now. We're becoming more of a team and I can feel us working together now, rather than her fighting my uncooperative body. Not that she faught, but you know. Here's Silly:
I've also started riding a little half quarter horse-half pony named Prince. I've been on him three times now and he is quite green-and he also has a good dose of pony stubbornness! He doesn't like it when I asked him to canter, and he gives a little buck to let me know it. He almost dumped me on Sunday, but I managed to do a good bit of riding and stay on. He bucked every time I asked him to canter after that...and then cantered. He'll get better eventually. It's quite interesting to go from riding Silly, and amazingly cue-sensitive horse, to Prince, a stubborn little pony, like a teenaged kid. Makes for a good workout on Sundays. Here's Prince:
The best part about this, however, is that I am back in touch with my old horse-loving self. I smell horses, feel that sweet breath, that soft muzzle. I am so incredibly happy. This is who I am, who I've always been. I may have lost that part of myself for awhile, but I'm back again, strong as ever!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Vaccines Strike Again!
Some things die hard, and the idea that vaccines are inherently dangerous and should be avoided at all costs is one of those things. Just this morning I became privy to a "study" that, as the title says, shows that vaccinated kids get 2-5 times more diseases than non-vaccinated ones-you access the newsflash here, and the actual study here. One of the first things that I noticed about this study is that it is based on voluntary self-completion of a survey available online, and this is where the first red flag went up for me. I remember learning in Statistics class the care that must be taking when choosing your sample in order to ensure that the results observed can be extrapolated to the general population. Voluntary surveys such as these are particularly "dangerous" to use as you cannot control who does and doesn't fill out such as survey. It is very likely that the people who will fill out the survey will be highly biased (i.e. those who already have strong feelings against vaccinations), which can be seen in some of the comments that were listed at the bottom of the page where the study results were posted, including the following:
“I will put the health of my three unvaccinated children up against the health of a vaccinated child any day of the week and twice on Sunday.”
“My 3 year old child is in a 5 year old class, and is even advanced for that grade. She has not been near as sick as a lot of her friends. She is considered very advanced for her age. Her two oldest siblings had both been injured by vaccinations and have been recovering for the last 6.5 years.”
"My son is mostly vaxxed, my daughter not. They both were exposed to a recently vaccinated family member and me and my son contracted whooping cough. His lasted much longer than mine (he has various health issues primarily caused by vaccine) which was expected. My unvaccinated daughter coughed once the entire length of our illness and the second time we were exposed - same situation- she wasn't affected at all."
And the list of like comments goes on. These comments highlight the general sentiment of those who are against vaccines in the most extreme way, and it make me wonder how skewed the results really are.
An additional problem with self-completed surveys is that the parents completing the surveys, for the most part, are not medical professionals. They are being asked to "diagnose" their children and many will give a diagnoses on the survey that haven't been confirmed by a doctor-people do it all of the time. This doesn't mean they are wrong-we've all heard the stories of people who knew what they had and when the doctors finally listened to them, they were right. The point I'm trying to make is that parents, especially those who feel strongly about vaccines, are going to be extra sensitive-maybe even a little hypochondriac-when it comes to their child's health and they might say their child has an illness when in fact they really don't (well, Bobby's attention span is quite low...he must have ADD!)
Another interesting observation is the fact that the study is open to parents of both vaccinated and unvaccinated children, yet the quotations that the study personnel chose to show are exclusively from parents of non-vaccinated children, highlighting a bias that already exists among the study personnel (or potentially highlights the point mentioned above, i.e. that those who feel strongly against vaccines will be more likely to complete the study and give comments). This in and of itself is a problem, as anybody in the field of science knows how dangerous personal bias can be. This is why many reviewers today will not accept studies that have not been double-blinded.
Now, let's look at the actual study results. Some of the results indeed look quite drastic, with 22.9% of vaccinated children suffering from allergies. The smallest percentage of vaccinated children suffering from disease was 0.1%, and this was noted with Thyroid Disease and Diabetes. Other "diseases" that are illustrated on the graph include asthma, dermatitis, herpes, scoliosis, and hyperactivity. Many of these "diseases" have been suggested to be associated with increasing amounts of pollution (for an article about a recent study go here), preservatives in our foods, and an overall increasingly sedentary lifestyle-which brings me to another issue I have with this study. How are confounding factors controlled, or even identified? With a self-completed voluntary survey, they are not! Does it seem likely that one who does not believe in vaccinating their children might believe in a more holistic lifestyle overall? Is it possible that their children spend more time outdoors challenging their immune systems, is it possible that these parents provide healthier, wholesome foods (as opposed to the Lunchables my mom gave me) to their children? Is it possible more of these people live in rural areas rather than suburban or urban areas where their children might be exposed to more irritants and carcinogens in the air? Is it possible that parents who don't believe in vaccinating their children smoke less than parents who do vaccinate their children? All of these are confounding factors that have not been controlled for, and they must be to make the study airtight.
And now, finally, my last issue with this study, which isn't really an issue with the study itself so much as the way it is presented. The study design and manner of reporting results lead people reading the study to assume that association equals causation, in other words, people assume that because kids that are vaccinated, in this study, have higher rates of certain diseases, that vaccinations must be the cause. This is also a very dangerous and easy assumption to make; I've seen it happen a lot in science. Thus, we must always remember that association does not equal causation, and that causation can only be assigned when it has been proved without a doubt. With a study like this, this hasn't happened, and cannot happen, until the study design is improved and multiple confounding variables are controlled for. I've seen plenty of studies that controlled for various confounding factors and found that their previously significant result was no longer significant.
Overall, I am not saying that vaccines cannot be associated with some illnesses; in fact, I'm sure they can. But, I am also quite confident that the rate of association with certain illness is quite low, and when faced with the mortality rates of some of the diseases that we currently vaccine against, I'd rather take my chances with the vaccine. It has been documented that mortality rates associated with disease such as diphtheria have decreased since the introduction of vaccines. I was vaccinated as a child, and I never get sick; in fact, the last illness I remember having was in 2009, over two years ago. Perhaps I could say that my extremely good immune system is due to the vaccinations I received? :-) Obviously, I am not that naive, but I think you get my point.
What this study, and the newsflash associated with it (notice that nowhere in the actual study do the researchers state the conclusion that vaccinated kids get 2-5 more illnesses than non-vaccinated in kids; in fact, they state that they have started to compare these kids and the study is ongoing) clearly illustrate is the extreme science illiteracy of the general public and the skill of the media in tapping into this and causing an uproar. It is examples like this that make me want to be a science writer more than ever, so that I can help ensure that the general public is accurately informed and not being fed fibs and questionable extrapolations by the media. Keep the embers glowing, and the media will always have something to write about, and the journalists will continue to make money. I certainly hope the embers associated with vaccination die out soon, because this is an issue that really shouldn't be.
“I will put the health of my three unvaccinated children up against the health of a vaccinated child any day of the week and twice on Sunday.”
“My 3 year old child is in a 5 year old class, and is even advanced for that grade. She has not been near as sick as a lot of her friends. She is considered very advanced for her age. Her two oldest siblings had both been injured by vaccinations and have been recovering for the last 6.5 years.”
"My son is mostly vaxxed, my daughter not. They both were exposed to a recently vaccinated family member and me and my son contracted whooping cough. His lasted much longer than mine (he has various health issues primarily caused by vaccine) which was expected. My unvaccinated daughter coughed once the entire length of our illness and the second time we were exposed - same situation- she wasn't affected at all."
And the list of like comments goes on. These comments highlight the general sentiment of those who are against vaccines in the most extreme way, and it make me wonder how skewed the results really are.
An additional problem with self-completed surveys is that the parents completing the surveys, for the most part, are not medical professionals. They are being asked to "diagnose" their children and many will give a diagnoses on the survey that haven't been confirmed by a doctor-people do it all of the time. This doesn't mean they are wrong-we've all heard the stories of people who knew what they had and when the doctors finally listened to them, they were right. The point I'm trying to make is that parents, especially those who feel strongly about vaccines, are going to be extra sensitive-maybe even a little hypochondriac-when it comes to their child's health and they might say their child has an illness when in fact they really don't (well, Bobby's attention span is quite low...he must have ADD!)
Another interesting observation is the fact that the study is open to parents of both vaccinated and unvaccinated children, yet the quotations that the study personnel chose to show are exclusively from parents of non-vaccinated children, highlighting a bias that already exists among the study personnel (or potentially highlights the point mentioned above, i.e. that those who feel strongly against vaccines will be more likely to complete the study and give comments). This in and of itself is a problem, as anybody in the field of science knows how dangerous personal bias can be. This is why many reviewers today will not accept studies that have not been double-blinded.
Now, let's look at the actual study results. Some of the results indeed look quite drastic, with 22.9% of vaccinated children suffering from allergies. The smallest percentage of vaccinated children suffering from disease was 0.1%, and this was noted with Thyroid Disease and Diabetes. Other "diseases" that are illustrated on the graph include asthma, dermatitis, herpes, scoliosis, and hyperactivity. Many of these "diseases" have been suggested to be associated with increasing amounts of pollution (for an article about a recent study go here), preservatives in our foods, and an overall increasingly sedentary lifestyle-which brings me to another issue I have with this study. How are confounding factors controlled, or even identified? With a self-completed voluntary survey, they are not! Does it seem likely that one who does not believe in vaccinating their children might believe in a more holistic lifestyle overall? Is it possible that their children spend more time outdoors challenging their immune systems, is it possible that these parents provide healthier, wholesome foods (as opposed to the Lunchables my mom gave me) to their children? Is it possible more of these people live in rural areas rather than suburban or urban areas where their children might be exposed to more irritants and carcinogens in the air? Is it possible that parents who don't believe in vaccinating their children smoke less than parents who do vaccinate their children? All of these are confounding factors that have not been controlled for, and they must be to make the study airtight.
And now, finally, my last issue with this study, which isn't really an issue with the study itself so much as the way it is presented. The study design and manner of reporting results lead people reading the study to assume that association equals causation, in other words, people assume that because kids that are vaccinated, in this study, have higher rates of certain diseases, that vaccinations must be the cause. This is also a very dangerous and easy assumption to make; I've seen it happen a lot in science. Thus, we must always remember that association does not equal causation, and that causation can only be assigned when it has been proved without a doubt. With a study like this, this hasn't happened, and cannot happen, until the study design is improved and multiple confounding variables are controlled for. I've seen plenty of studies that controlled for various confounding factors and found that their previously significant result was no longer significant.
Overall, I am not saying that vaccines cannot be associated with some illnesses; in fact, I'm sure they can. But, I am also quite confident that the rate of association with certain illness is quite low, and when faced with the mortality rates of some of the diseases that we currently vaccine against, I'd rather take my chances with the vaccine. It has been documented that mortality rates associated with disease such as diphtheria have decreased since the introduction of vaccines. I was vaccinated as a child, and I never get sick; in fact, the last illness I remember having was in 2009, over two years ago. Perhaps I could say that my extremely good immune system is due to the vaccinations I received? :-) Obviously, I am not that naive, but I think you get my point.
What this study, and the newsflash associated with it (notice that nowhere in the actual study do the researchers state the conclusion that vaccinated kids get 2-5 more illnesses than non-vaccinated in kids; in fact, they state that they have started to compare these kids and the study is ongoing) clearly illustrate is the extreme science illiteracy of the general public and the skill of the media in tapping into this and causing an uproar. It is examples like this that make me want to be a science writer more than ever, so that I can help ensure that the general public is accurately informed and not being fed fibs and questionable extrapolations by the media. Keep the embers glowing, and the media will always have something to write about, and the journalists will continue to make money. I certainly hope the embers associated with vaccination die out soon, because this is an issue that really shouldn't be.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Outdoor Observation Journal
Due to my recent interest in science writing, I signed up for an online nature/science writing course to hone my skills and acquire valuable experience and advice. Our first assignment is due this weekend, and we were directed to sit outside in a natural spot for 30 minutes, observing a writing. Below I've pasted my observations. Note that this is an unedited piece of work-I just wrote as the words came...
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
My place is named simply: the Courtyard. As you can guess, I am sitting on a bench in a courtyard at our condo community. Fortunately, this place is only steps from my condo.
Nature is quiet today, perhaps because it is getting late in the afternoon-the sun will be down in an hour and a half. A few birds are chirping and another bird makes a sound similar to that of a crow, but I don’t think it is one. I’ve never seen a crow in Houston, only grackles-birds that look like crows and make a most intriguing, electronic-like sound.
I’ll call the birds that are calling “fall birds.” They come out when it’s colder and cloudy, like today. The clouds are heavy and grey, and only an infinitely small patch of blue sky peeks through. I wonder about what it is like above the clouds-how much more sunny and blue and cheerful. It always amazed me when on a plane and we broke through the clouds. Things are different in the high heavens.
The air is fresh and damp, yet light. If I breathe slowly and deeply enough, I can smell the fresh, damp earth. What a wonderful smell after a year of severe drought! The earth’s cries have been quenched for the moment, although I’m sure it won’t be long before she cries out in thirst yet again.
A dog barking in the distance seems to have excited the birds for a moment. They caw and squawk, an out of tune choir.
To my left there is a stand of trees, although I don’t know what kind they are. Their bark is smooth, not like the bark of the oak or maple tree. Browns, greens, and grays are arranged in a pattern that makes the trees appear as though they have been painted by a wannabe artist following a paint-by-number.
A smell of smoke drifts past. Ah, I love that smell, mixed with the coolness of the day. It reminds me of Octobers in Michigan, having bonfires with my friends during those innocent high school years.
The leaves on the ground are no longer a sunny yellow as they were a few days ago. Instead they are brown and soggy, sticking to the muddy ground. The trees from which they fell are almost bare-just a few green and yellow leaves still cling to the branches.
Today this place reminds me of Ireland. The quiet, the slight breeze, the low-hanging grey clouds. I feel electrified, my senses all on guard, stimulated by the freshness of the air. One day I’ll return to the majestic, mist-shrouded cliffs of the emerald Isle, and I’ll close my eyes and escape to another world…
I touch a blade of grass, a member of a tuft at the bottom of the group of trees to my left. As I bed the surprisingly stiff blade, a drop of moisture is broken and travels down the blade to my fingers. What kind of grass is this anyway? I remember that being one of the most noticeable differences upon moving here-in Michigan we have soft, lush grass that tickles one’s bare feet. Here the grass is disappointingly and uninvitingly stiff. I guess one does have to be more hardy down here to survive the hot summers…
Luggage being dragged across the parking lot yonder behind me snaps me out of the moment. Time to get back to the real world.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Awakening
The city lies shroud in a dense mist this morning. The foggy tendrils lie heavy around the buildings, weighing on them, pressing on them, enveloping them like a blanket, asking for stillness for just one minute more before the city awakes.
It is futile.
The increased moisture in the air has induced patches of grass to come to life, a green so bright the blades almost glow. These new signs of life ignite a spark of hope deep within. And yet-the question begs: will the earth's long, dark scars ever heal? The scars are her mark; if you listen carefully enough you can hear her crying out. Will her cursed gashes ever be filled by soft, supple soil again? Will moist green grass ever hide the marks of her pain?
Slowly the earth will come back to life...
It is futile.
The increased moisture in the air has induced patches of grass to come to life, a green so bright the blades almost glow. These new signs of life ignite a spark of hope deep within. And yet-the question begs: will the earth's long, dark scars ever heal? The scars are her mark; if you listen carefully enough you can hear her crying out. Will her cursed gashes ever be filled by soft, supple soil again? Will moist green grass ever hide the marks of her pain?
Slowly the earth will come back to life...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Committees and Science Writing
Well, it has been quite awhile since I've showed my face on my blog. Life has been a bit busy lately and ashamedly, I haven't made much time for writing-at least not for writing that isn't related to work. Ironically, this blog post is going to deal largely with work-in a way.
While I still do not have a finalized, outlined thesis project, things at work are still going well. I have some great ideas for a thesis project and my first committee meeting is tomorrow (yikes!). I am nervous and excited about it at the same time. Most of all I just don't want to be a disappointment to my PI or my committee. That has always been a weakness of mine-trying so hard to please others and to prevent disappointment.
On a completely different note, today I decided to register for an online course in science writing. The course is taught by Wendee Holtcamp, a pretty well-to-do writer who has written for Nature, Science, and a swath of other magazines.
Did you see that coming? Well, don't be too surprised.
I've loved writing ever since I can remember. When I was in elementary school, my dad told me I should write a journal every day in case I ever wanted to write a book about my life. Well, I've never intended on writing a book about myself, but I did take my dad's advice, and while I haven't been incredibly faithful in writing every single day, I have maintained numerous journals since my younger years. I came very close to majoring in English in college, but I decided not to. By that point I had also fallen in love with science, and I decided that writing was to be something that I would forever do for pleasure, rather than have it tainted by being forced to write about subjects that I had no interest in. Recently, however, I've been seriously toying with the possibility of becoming a science writer-what better way to combine my two passions? I realize that rising in this field is going to be difficult and going to take a lot of work if I want to have any shred of success-which is why I am trying to do what I can to get my foot in the door now. Hence-the writing class.
I don't know for sure if science writing is for me, or if it will even work as a career. If I am to become a science writer, I visualize it being more of a "side-job" in the beginning, perhaps to morph into a full-time career later. It is most definitely something that I want-and plan-to pursue. I am very excited about this step that I am taking, and I have confidence that Yahweh will guide me in this exciting journey-who knows where He'll lead!
While I still do not have a finalized, outlined thesis project, things at work are still going well. I have some great ideas for a thesis project and my first committee meeting is tomorrow (yikes!). I am nervous and excited about it at the same time. Most of all I just don't want to be a disappointment to my PI or my committee. That has always been a weakness of mine-trying so hard to please others and to prevent disappointment.
On a completely different note, today I decided to register for an online course in science writing. The course is taught by Wendee Holtcamp, a pretty well-to-do writer who has written for Nature, Science, and a swath of other magazines.
Did you see that coming? Well, don't be too surprised.
I've loved writing ever since I can remember. When I was in elementary school, my dad told me I should write a journal every day in case I ever wanted to write a book about my life. Well, I've never intended on writing a book about myself, but I did take my dad's advice, and while I haven't been incredibly faithful in writing every single day, I have maintained numerous journals since my younger years. I came very close to majoring in English in college, but I decided not to. By that point I had also fallen in love with science, and I decided that writing was to be something that I would forever do for pleasure, rather than have it tainted by being forced to write about subjects that I had no interest in. Recently, however, I've been seriously toying with the possibility of becoming a science writer-what better way to combine my two passions? I realize that rising in this field is going to be difficult and going to take a lot of work if I want to have any shred of success-which is why I am trying to do what I can to get my foot in the door now. Hence-the writing class.
I don't know for sure if science writing is for me, or if it will even work as a career. If I am to become a science writer, I visualize it being more of a "side-job" in the beginning, perhaps to morph into a full-time career later. It is most definitely something that I want-and plan-to pursue. I am very excited about this step that I am taking, and I have confidence that Yahweh will guide me in this exciting journey-who knows where He'll lead!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A Most Precious Gift
Very recently, a friend of mine was telling me about her boyfriend's grandmother, who has suffered from a blood clot in her brain. She said, "She was so healthy," and that statement immediately brought me back to a phone booth next to the Rio Genil in Granada, Spain, in March 2008. I had called my parents because my Grandma Dorothy had just suffered a stroke, and when my dad answered the phone and heard my voice he said, "You thought she was going to live forever too, huh?"
My Grandma Dorothy was an amazingly healthy woman. I remember her riding bikes with my cousin Stephan and I for miles to the lake. She gardened and mowed the lawn, her skin tanned bronze every summer because she spent practically every waking moment outside. At 86, she still drove her car and took care of my Uncle Morrie's lawn. She was vibrant with health and life.
Until that morning.
She awoke with tremors on the right side of her body and called my Uncle Morrie to take her to the hospital, where they discovered she'd suffered a stroke. It wasn't too serious and she never lost consciousness. In fact, I believe she would have recovered fully if the nursing home she had gone to had taken better care of her, and if she hadn't lost the will to live. I think Grandma Dorothy was much like my father-too proud to live sick. Death is better than being un-whole.
I was studying abroad in Spain at the time and I had just returned from a trip to visit my good friend Fabian in London. In fact, my Grandma had give my parents $100 to deposit into my bank account for me specifically for that trip.
I didn't know what to do, it was such a shock. I remember having to look up the Spanish word for "stroke" so I could tell my host mother what had happened. "Mi abuela tuvo un ataque de apoplejia," I tole her. My Grandma had a stroke.
Shortly after the stroke Grandma had to be moved to hospice because she was suffering renal failure due to the nursing home pretty much neglecting her (my sister in law Tammy, who is studying to be an RN, was appalled at how they treated my Grandma and their other patients). My parents gave me the # to the hospice and told me what times they would be there to answer the phone, and I called my Grandma. Her voice was so foreign, yet so familiar. Yes, that was Grandma, but her words were slurred as if she were drunk. And the first question she asked me? "Did you get your money for your trip to London?" How, how could she have been thinking of THAT when she was on the brink of death? I couldn't believe it and didn't know what to say. So, I just told her about my trip and about my schooling in Spain, as if I were just giving her a phone call from home and nothing were out of the ordinary.
She faded fast. The last time I called she was sleeping and not responding. My father put the phone to her ear anyway and she stirred and woke when she heard my voice. I asked her how she was feeling and she said, "Not well." The last words I ever heard Grandma Dorothy say, for after that she asked for water and then slipped back into the oblivion of sleep.
When I finally got the email from my mom letting me know that Grandma had died, I couldn't cry. It was so unreal to me. I was 1200 miles away, across an ocean, and life was continuing normally as it always did. The sun rose above the mountains, my roommate and I ate the usual toast for breakfast, our host brother slept off the party from the night before. Everything was normal.
Yet nothing was normal.
I never did cry, not until the day I arrived back in the states. My mother had given me a shoe box full of the letters that I had sent to my grandma while in Spain, as well as a pair of her gloves and a few other mementos. The gloves still smelled of her. I breathed in the scent and finally the tears fell.
Every once in awhile I'll catch a scent of flowers, and it brings me back to my happy days growing up at Grandma Dorothy's house in Payne lake. Or I'll hear a classical music piece and think of her. I never got to say goodbye, and I miss her so much. I am thankful that God had urged me to write letters to her. For some reason, I felt compelled to do so, in case anything happened (although I felt that was ridiculous, she was so healthy, nothing was going to happen). I am so glad I wrote those letters. I'll never forget the ending of one: "Love across the ocean," she wrote.
I miss Grandma Dorothy so much, and my heart hurts for my friend and her boyfriend and his family throughout this time. But, at least they have this-they can say goodbye. They can be there in the end. That is a most precious gift.
My Grandma Dorothy was an amazingly healthy woman. I remember her riding bikes with my cousin Stephan and I for miles to the lake. She gardened and mowed the lawn, her skin tanned bronze every summer because she spent practically every waking moment outside. At 86, she still drove her car and took care of my Uncle Morrie's lawn. She was vibrant with health and life.
Until that morning.
She awoke with tremors on the right side of her body and called my Uncle Morrie to take her to the hospital, where they discovered she'd suffered a stroke. It wasn't too serious and she never lost consciousness. In fact, I believe she would have recovered fully if the nursing home she had gone to had taken better care of her, and if she hadn't lost the will to live. I think Grandma Dorothy was much like my father-too proud to live sick. Death is better than being un-whole.
I was studying abroad in Spain at the time and I had just returned from a trip to visit my good friend Fabian in London. In fact, my Grandma had give my parents $100 to deposit into my bank account for me specifically for that trip.
I didn't know what to do, it was such a shock. I remember having to look up the Spanish word for "stroke" so I could tell my host mother what had happened. "Mi abuela tuvo un ataque de apoplejia," I tole her. My Grandma had a stroke.
Shortly after the stroke Grandma had to be moved to hospice because she was suffering renal failure due to the nursing home pretty much neglecting her (my sister in law Tammy, who is studying to be an RN, was appalled at how they treated my Grandma and their other patients). My parents gave me the # to the hospice and told me what times they would be there to answer the phone, and I called my Grandma. Her voice was so foreign, yet so familiar. Yes, that was Grandma, but her words were slurred as if she were drunk. And the first question she asked me? "Did you get your money for your trip to London?" How, how could she have been thinking of THAT when she was on the brink of death? I couldn't believe it and didn't know what to say. So, I just told her about my trip and about my schooling in Spain, as if I were just giving her a phone call from home and nothing were out of the ordinary.
She faded fast. The last time I called she was sleeping and not responding. My father put the phone to her ear anyway and she stirred and woke when she heard my voice. I asked her how she was feeling and she said, "Not well." The last words I ever heard Grandma Dorothy say, for after that she asked for water and then slipped back into the oblivion of sleep.
When I finally got the email from my mom letting me know that Grandma had died, I couldn't cry. It was so unreal to me. I was 1200 miles away, across an ocean, and life was continuing normally as it always did. The sun rose above the mountains, my roommate and I ate the usual toast for breakfast, our host brother slept off the party from the night before. Everything was normal.
Yet nothing was normal.
I never did cry, not until the day I arrived back in the states. My mother had given me a shoe box full of the letters that I had sent to my grandma while in Spain, as well as a pair of her gloves and a few other mementos. The gloves still smelled of her. I breathed in the scent and finally the tears fell.
Every once in awhile I'll catch a scent of flowers, and it brings me back to my happy days growing up at Grandma Dorothy's house in Payne lake. Or I'll hear a classical music piece and think of her. I never got to say goodbye, and I miss her so much. I am thankful that God had urged me to write letters to her. For some reason, I felt compelled to do so, in case anything happened (although I felt that was ridiculous, she was so healthy, nothing was going to happen). I am so glad I wrote those letters. I'll never forget the ending of one: "Love across the ocean," she wrote.
I miss Grandma Dorothy so much, and my heart hurts for my friend and her boyfriend and his family throughout this time. But, at least they have this-they can say goodbye. They can be there in the end. That is a most precious gift.
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